


Never Again

by merlucadevotion



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23949970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlucadevotion/pseuds/merlucadevotion
Summary: As a young girl being raised alone by her father in Italy, Carina Deluca made a promise to herself - never again. And when Maya's dad makes an unexpected visit those feelings come flooding back and she fights to keep that promise for the woman she loves.
Relationships: Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Comments: 2
Kudos: 167





	Never Again

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, so this idea came to me a while back and I love that last night's episode aired when it did because it gave me the inspiration to get it finished and i'm pretty proud of how this turned out so i hope you guys enjoy it! i love writing carina's perspective since we don't get that a lot on the show so expect to see a lot of that in this one! and if you guys would like a fic based more on the events of 3x14 let me know because I have a draft started for that as well.
> 
> *ps: for the sake of this story, just pretend that all the all of the dialogue between Carina and her dad is in italian*

_Ten year old Carina Deluca skipped happily home from her private Catholic grade school one afternoon, excited to show her father the good grade she got on her science test. She was excited because more than anything, all she ever wanted to do was make her father proud. Ever since her mother and little brother left to live in the States, Vincenzo Deluca hadn’t quite been the same since. Carina could see it, although she never dared express these concerns to her father. There were times when things seemed okay. She would wake up in the mornings and she could determine whether or not it would be a good day based on if she heard her father singing. It seemed silly, but if her father was in a good mood, she would hear him singing softly to himself while he made breakfast or whatever he had to do that morning but if there was no singing, she knew it would be a bad day._

_When her father had his bad days, they were bad. Sometimes he would lock himself in his study without saying a single word to her for days. Other times, it was the complete opposite. He did nothing but talk, mostly about things young Carina couldn’t understand. He would go on and on ranting about his work and how none of his colleagues understood his vision. It was impossible for him to be still, he kept going on and on a mile a minute. And other times, when he was at his worst, he was downright cruel. It was terrifying. Carina dreaded those times the most._

_Carina walked into her house. “Papa?” She called out as she entered the home. No answer. She went further inside heading towards his study where she could usually find him. The door was cracked slightly and she could see him sitting at his desk. “Papa?” She knocked lightly at the door and stepped inside._

_“Papa, I have something to show you.” Carina said with a smile as she walked closer to him proudly holding her paper up. Finally, he looked up at her as if she were an afterthought that he had forgotten was even there. “Carina, I am busy. What do you want?” He said._

_“I got my science test back today and my teacher says I have the highest grade in the entire class.”_

_The man scoffed and took the paper from his daughter to get a closer look. “You really believe this is good enough to interrupt my work to show me?”_

_Carina’s face dropped and she nervously fiddled her hands. “But Papa I-”_

_‘Not good enough! You can do much better than this!” He exclaimed. “Deluca’s are much better than this. Are you trying to tarnish our name?”_

_Tears welled up in Carina’s eyes but she quickly wiped them away, knowing better than to cry in front of her father._

_“And what are you doing here? You know you are to go to the cafe to work after school. Go, before you’re late!” Her father added. For about a year now, she’d maintained a job sweeping the floor of one of the local cafe’s. Considering she was a child, she wasn’t paid very much but it was a way to make money and her father insisted she take the job as a way to learn discipline and how the world works._

_Carina quickly turned on her heel and ran out of the study as tears stung her eyes. She couldn’t understand why nothing she did was ever good enough for him. He went on and on about her little brother. Andrea, he’s so young but shows so much potential, Andrea- he’s going to do great things. It was all she ever heard. “So why isn’t Andrea here living with you instead of me?” She so desperately wanted to ask him whenever he brought it up. All she wanted was to make him proud._

  
  


_*_

_When Carina was 12 years old, that’s when he began bringing women to the house. In the past, all he could talk about was her mother and how he was going to win her back, but now, she figured he finally decided to move on._

_However, this situation wasn’t much better. It seemed like every month or so there was a new woman. A new young, very attractive woman who looked like she could be Carina’s older sister. It disgusted her if she was being quite honest._

  
  


_One evening, she walked outside to find her father and his new flavor of the month having drinks near the swimming pool._

_“Papa, I just wanted to tell you not to worry about dinner because I already picked something up on my way home from work.” Carina told him, without even bothering to make eye contact with the woman sitting next to him._

  
  


_“Don’t be rude, bambini. Say hello to Stella.” Vince instructed her._

_Carina sighed, rolling her eyes. “Ciao, Stella.” She greeted, putting on her best fake smile._

_She turned to go back inside and could hear the woman giggling and telling her father “Oh she’s so cute”. It was enough to make her want to vomit._

_It was the same pattern every single time. Her dad would bring home a new woman, and in the beginning they’d have a good time. At night she would have to put her headphones in to block out the sounds of how much of a good time they were having. And then, it wasn’t so good. There would be yelling and arguing and she would once again put on her headphones to tune it all out. Then, the woman was gone and Vince would mope over it for at least a week before there was a new one. Like clockwork._

_*_

_The first time it happened she was 14 years old. It was a particularly rough day for her father at the hospital because he had lost two patients back to back. Of course, Carina had no way of knowing this when she came up to his lab at the hospital. She was only there because when she got home, the key he normally left for her to get into the house wasn’t there, and it was cold outside, so she didn’t want to sit there waiting for him for god knows how long._

_Carina came into the room, her father’s back was turned to her. She figured he was working hard so she tried to be quiet. However, her bag that she carried accidently caught onto something and ended up knocking over one of his glass vials, shattering it to pieces. He quickly turned around, his eyes bloodshot red and his face now equally as red with anger. She was right behind him as his hand shot out and struck her right in the face,_

_Her eyes widened in complete shock as she held the spot on her face where he slapped her. As he looked at her, his eyes widened as well once he began to realize what he had just done. Vinvenzio embraced his daughter in his arms and apologized profusely for what he did. Insisting he had no idea what came over him. That next day, she woke up to find several chanel and dolce & gabbana bags on her bedroom floor near her door. It was the only way her father really knew how to say “I’m sorry.” _

  
  


_*_

_The next time, however, was far from a mistake and couldn’t be brushed off or solved by expensive clothing and accessories. Carina was 17 now and discovering that there was a whole world outside of her Catholic upbringing. This was a time when she was truly beginning to come to terms with her sexuality. An important time in anyone’s life. Isabella, or Isa for short, was Carina’s best friend. They first met at 8 years old and were friends ever since. They did everything together, knew everything about each other, and told each other everything. And because they told each other everything, Isa was practically begging Carina to move out of her father’s house and live with her. Every single day she feared for Carina, not knowing what her father might do on one of his bad days._

_Carina still loved her father and now that she was older she realized that he was not mentally well. She couldn’t imagine just abandoning her father when he was sick. She was his daughter and it was her job to take care of him, to help him in any way she could despite the fact that he vehemently denied his illness._

_One evening, she stood in front of her house saying goodbye to Isa and she pulled her in for a kiss to her lips. It was far from the first time the two had kissed, and although they hadn’t put an official label on their relationship they were enjoying it for what it was. It was new and exciting for the both of them._

_After she said her goodbyes, she went into the house to find her dad standing nearby with his arms crossed._

_Carina jumped a bit. “Oh, papa, you scared me.”_

_“Do you just insist on making a mockery of this family?” He said._

_“I..I don’t know what you mean.” Shr answered quietly, staring down at the floor beneath her, wishing she was under it._

_“Don’t you play stupid with me, little girl. I saw you outside with that girl. So I guess you are a homosexual now, is that it?” He scolded. As he got closer to her she could smell the liquor on his breath._

_“No! No I’m not. I don’t know what I am but-” Carina started, her shoulders tensing up as she wrapped her arms around herself._

_“What you are is a disgrace to me as your father!” He shouted._

_“A disgrace? I have done nothing wrong, papa, I love her-” Carina was cut off by a sudden jolt of pain on her right cheek where her father struck her with the back of his hand._

_“I want you out of my house, now!” He shouted._

_That same night Carina started packing and within a week she was out from under his roof and never looked back. At least, she wished that were the case and that she never looked back but the fact of the matter was she still checked in on him even after moving out of the house because he was her father and she loved him, and not to mention pretty much all she had considering her mother and brother were an entire ocean away and all ties with their immediate family there in Italy had pretty much been cut by that point._

_However, after that night she promised herself - never again. Never again would she allow any man to treat her the way her father did nor would she allow any other woman to be treated that way on her watch. Never again._

  
  


*

Maya had tried her very best to avoid this happening, but with her luck, it was inevitable. She knew her father was coming to visit. She had it all planned out. Take him out to dinner, maybe have him stop by the apartment to chat for a bit, and then he’d be on his way. The last thing she wanted to do was delve too deep into her personal life and the last thing she wanted was for him to meet Carina. Not because she was ashamed of her, that was far from the case. It was more so because she was ashamed of herself, in a way, because to this day her father still ignored her bisexuality despite her coming out to him when she was 18. He brushed it off as simply a phase, something she would get over. And after that day he never acknowledged it ever again. 

  
  


So of course she didn’t anticipate what was to come. She certainly didn’t anticipate her dad just showing up to the station while she was talking to Carina.

“Hey, kiddo. I know I said I’d call but I wanted to see my girl in action.” She heard a familiar voice speak behind her, causing Maya to freeze dead in her tracks.

Maya’s face went completely pale, which Carina immediately noticed. She turned around to face her dad.

“Hey, dad.” Maya greeted, forcing a smile. He shook her hand in lieu of a hug.

“Hey there, captain. Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, here.” Maya’s dad said, nodding over at Carina.

Carina smiled halfheartedly, immediately sensing that there was something off in this dynamic, no matter how subtle.

“Dad, this is my friend Carina. She’s a doctor at Grey Sloan Memorial. Carina, this is my dad.” She introduced the two.

“It’s nice to meet you, Carina.” He shook her hand.

“You as well, sir.” Carina replied.

“Please, call me Lane.” He answered.

“Anyways, Carina was just telling me she needed to get back to the hospital, so.” Maya said, wanting this awkward exchange to be over as soon as possible.

“Oh, of course, don’t let us keep you.” Lane replied.

“Right. Again, it was nice meeting you, Lane. Maya, we’ll talk later?” She said, giving Maya a look.

“Of course, yeah. I’ll call you later.” Maya replied coolly. After that, Maya spent the rest of the day showing her dad around the station and explaining what day to day operations were like. Somehow, without even outright saying it, Maya’s dad was able to make her feel like she wasn’t doing good enough. It was as if nothing would ever please him.

Maya kept it all in, eyes forward and with a smile. She agreed to go to dinner with him and about thirty minutes later before she was supposed to meet up with him for said dinner she called Carina in a panic. She wasn’t sure why she was panicking, she had plenty of dinners with her father in the past, some of them even being pleasant, but something had changed. Maybe it was because now that she was a fire captain and had so much to live up to she felt she was under an even bigger microscope by her father and wanted him to be just as proud as when she won that gold medal. Or maybe it was because she was in a committed relationship that she felt she had to hide from him which caused even more unnecessary anxieties. 

Whatever it was, the anxiety had gotten so bad she practically begged Carina to go with her to the dinner. She was the only one able to truly keep Maya calm and she figured her dad would go easier on her with Carina there.

Of course, Carina agreed. Now here they were, the three of them sitting at a booth at a local restaurant waiting to order.

“I didn’t realize you’d be bringing a guest.” Lane said when they sat down.

“Sorry, it was kind of a last minute thing. Hope you don’t mind.” Maya replied.

“No, of course, I don’t mind. I mean, it’s not like I hardly see you enough as it is and I hoped to spend quality father daughter time with you or anything. Nope, I don’t mind at all.” Lane replied, grabbing his menu and opening it to look.

“Dad-” Maya said.

“No, really. It’s fine, Maya. Let’s just look at our menus and order.” He responded.

Maya sighed and looked down at her menu. “I think I might get the steak and a side of onion rings. What about you?” She said to Carina.

“Really? That’s a lot of calories, Maya. Don’t you think?” Her dad cut in.

Maya lowered her menu and suddenly felt as if she’d shrunk in her chair. Memories that she’d much rather forget crept into the back of her mind.

“Fine. Maybe I’ll order a caesar salad.” Maya replied softly.

Feelings of anger and rage rose inside of Carina as she watched this exchange between the two of them. “Maya, you can order whatever you want.” She told her. Carina never knew Maya as someone who cared about calories so she didn’t quite understand why it was an issue now.

“It’s fine, Carina. I’ll get the salad.” She insisted, shooting Carina a look that said please don’t push this any further.

Carina could tell her girlfriend was serious about this and decided to bite her tongue and say nothing else, but only for Maya’s sake.

“So, my daughter, fire captain of station 19.” Lane said.

“Yep.” Maya answered with a small smile.

“I know I said it before but I’m proud of ya, kiddo.” He replied.

“Thanks.” Maya responded, although she sensed there was a “but” coming.

“I’m very proud, your mother and I both are, but” _there it was “_ you could’ve gotten there a lot sooner than you did if you really applied yourself. If you were really focused.” He added. “It’s disappointing to say the least.”

“Dad, I was focused. There are so many other factors involved. There’s a lot that goes into it, but I promise I’ve done nothing but work hard to earn this.” Maya explained.

“Maya’s always taken a little longer when it comes to certain things. Isn’t that right, kiddo? That explains why you don’t seem anywhere close to being married yet. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to manage a career and a husband. I mean, your brother’s so much of a screw up these days it’s not like we have him to fall back on.” He continued. “Are you at least seeing anyone? Maybe if you wiped that permanent scowl off your face more men would think to look twice at you.”

“Hey!” Carina exclaims suddenly. Maya’s dad looks at her as if he’s forgotten she was there.

Maya shoots Carina another look and hesitates briefly before speaking again. “Yes, I am seeing someone, actually.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Really?” 

“Yes, really. Dad..Carina’s not just a good friend of mine. She’s my girlfriend. We’re dating.”

Lane slammed his drink down onto the table suddenly, causing both women to flinch. Maya reached for Carina’s hand beside her. “What the hell do you mean, dating?” He sneered.

“Dad, you know I’m bisexual. I told you before. And that means, I date men as well as women.” Maya spoke carefully.

“Look, maybe this whole experimenting phase was fine when you were younger but damn it, Maya, it’s time to grow up!” He scolded.

Maya held back her tears and squeezed Carina’s hand tightly under the table. She found herself having flashbacks to when she first came out to her dad and all the awful names he called her.

It took everything in Carina not to stab him in the eyeball with a fork right there at the table.

“I’m not a child anymore. I’m a grown woman and for the first time in god knows how long - maybe ever, I’m genuinely happy with my life right now.” Maya told him.

Lane held up his hand. “I don’t want to discuss this any further.”

“Dad, I just need you to listen-” She was immediately cut off by her dad slamming his fists on the table and lurching forward suddenly. Carina felt Maya cower back in fear as if she was afraid he was about to hit her and as a reflex, she took her alcoholic beverage and threw it in his face.

Maya’s dad looked briefly stunned and grabbed a napkin to clear his now burning eyes. 

“You stupid son of a bitch! Maya is the strongest, most kind hearted, hard working woman I have ever known and you never deserved her as a daughter!” Carina spat angrily.

Maya stood up, eyes widened as she attempted to process what just happened. “Carina, what the hell?!” She said to her.

“Maya, let’s just go” Carina said as she took Maya by the hand and exited the restaurant ignoring the stares and whispers from nosey onlookers.

When they got outside, Maya snatched her hand away from her. “What the hell is your problem? Why did you do that? Why?!”

Carina was slightly taken aback by her response. “Listen, Maya, I’m sorry for reacting the way that I did but were you listening to him? He had no right to treat you that way. I was only trying to help-”

“You think you’re helping me? Well, let me tell you right now, you’re not helping. In fact, all you did was make things worse. So thanks for that.” Maya’s eyes began welling with tears.

“Maya, the way he was talking to you, I just..I got so angry. It reminded me so much of my own father..” Carina explained.

“Yeah, well, my dad isn’t your dad. He pushes me to be better. Why is that such a bad thing? This is none of your business and I would appreciate it if you stayed the hell out of it.” Maya snapped. She turned and started to walk away.

“Maya, where are you going? We drove in my car.” Carina called after her.

“I’ll call an Uber.” Maya replied without looking back.

*

For the next week, Maya ignored all of Carina’s calls and texts. No matter how badly it hurt, Carina had to accept the fact that Maya needed her space, so she stopped calling. A day later after her decision to stop calling, there was a knock on Carina’s door, she opened it and there stood Maya. Her eyes red and swollen from crying, her face stained with tears.

“I..I know I was angry at you and basically told you to stay away but..I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry..I..I need you, Carina. I didn’t mean to push you away. It’s just, he’s my dad, and I’ve always believed I couldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for him. And, he’s my dad, I mean..how do I stop loving him?” Maya rambled through tears. 

Carina wordlessly pulled Maya into a tight embrace, rocking her gently and allowing her to cry for as long as she needed to.

Carina wished she could answer Maya’s question but truthfully, she didn’t know the answer. It’s the same question she’s asked herself every single day of her life since childhood. She wished she had the answers, but all she had to offer Maya was herself, every part of her. And all she needed was Maya. Together, they could heal.


End file.
